take the pain away? which pain is that? mine or that person's who have hurt me? i guess saying sorry especially if its not my fault is the hardest thing for me to do. pride, yeah..yaddah yaddah yaddah. anyways, but it makes great courage to face them and tell them exactly that they have hurt you...as much as i have somehow confronted one, slowly. i was utterly shaking the whole time though i wasn't really able to tell her all that i wish to tell her except that my tears are racing against each other down my face. it was one my most vulnerable moments and i just let every guard i have down that moment. my emotions were so mixed and pent up that i just started crying as soon as i opened my mouth. but it somehow released some heavy pike on me. its like a thorn had been freed from within me and i can breath a little easier now. it was a heck of an experience...being vulnerable and thinking for the other person's reactions on the confrontation. thought i hope, its not as "bad" for the others who have confronted those people who have put them in pain. ^_^

I guess there are times when one can really feel low and if I can say that such is today for me, then I guess I almost hit rock bottom. I have changed. I have been a bit too observant that sometimes, I end up hurting the only person I love most. It would have been okay if a bus had hit me while I’m walking or the car toppled over and fell off the bridge or a deep gulch and if I ever survive any of these, I’d heal in time but to know that I have hurt her, her feelings…those awful incidents cannot surpass that guilt. Its eating me alive…inside out, I cannot breathe! I cannot think! I don’t even have the drive to live anymore! There are so many things to say, yet I know deep inside the only answer to every question I have and that she is with me…that we are together…the rest doesn’t matter anymore when she’s just there…yet why?! Oh why do we still have questions? Why ask, why think…why be obnoxious?! Aaahhhgggg! My mind is just screaming and even I cannot hear anymore…what can I do? What can I do? Can anyone save me from falling deep into this dark state? Only she can give me strength, only she can inspire me…and only she can bring me to life once again…

how vast is your madness, it thrived within the depths of my flesh. how crude can i get when i believe that everything that is said into my consciousness? that in every action, in every thought, a thread of that dangerous thought spreads like wildfire, engulfing me into a frenzy. im bad. im bad. im bad.

its been awhile since i last posted here. its probably because of laziness or because im occupied with a lot of things...(hhmmm...maybe its both!). anyways, my mind is a clutter. i cant think straight (not that i am not really straight) but because of too many things...and the worst part of it, most of the things are just too petty for me to even think about or be bothered about it yet i am still thinking about them...gggrrr! *deep breathe* well, i guess i can just have to do it all one at  a time...somehow, eliminate those which are too urgent then have those which can be delayed stay a bit while. but i am that type who always wants to finish everything at the same time if possible and it frustrates me when i appear to be too occupied yet i accomplished nothing by the end of the day...aaaggghh! maybe i need to relax, to breathe..to get away for awhile...but i know the getting away i have is through writing and so here i am, writing...yet my mind is still  a clutter of thoughts...despite it..i know i can do it. wish me luck guys!

Before anything else, here is fact about Hongkong. When tipping, tourists can make fools of themselves. Tipping is not a local tradition. If you do tip, you should know that the money is very unlikely to reach the hands of the person who gave you such good service. In cheaper restaurants, you should certainly take all your change, not to do so may be seen as patronising. In more upmarket places a ten percent service charge will have already been included in your bill, so many local people will accept that as the tip. Should you wish to tip, it is acceptable to leave a few coins. And that Same-Sex Relationships are legal and levels of tolerance are increasing in Hong Kong. Although homosexuality is not much talked about in Hong Kong, locals will never attack gay or lesbian couples holding hands or kissing on the streets, though they may pass some negative comments. Unlike western cities, violence against homosexuality is rare, if not non-existent, in Hong Kong. A number of Hong Kong's celebrities are widely understood to be gay. (Excerpts from Wikipedia).
Day1: Night Tour: We waited at the house/hotel lobby for the bus and we were surprised that there were a few of us included in the tour, which makes it more fun! we met 3 motherly figures all from Makati City, Manila and a daughter and daughter's friends. we got into a few exchange of information before our tour guide, Tommy (handsome! hehehe) took us to the waiting bus. The night tour started with us traveling to Hongkong Island (since our hotel was in Kowloon). we went north towards the Peak Tram, Hong Kong's first mechanised mode of transport, opened back in 1888. The remarkably steep 1.7 km track up from Central to Victoria Peak is worth at least one trip despite the comparatively steep price ($22 one-way, $33 return; return tickets must be purchased in advance). Unfortunately, it was a foggy evening so we didn't see much of the city below as the tram was on its way up the very steep slope to Victoria Peak. Up there, it was breathtaking view...a small city with boutiques and restaurants. an attraction in the peak was Madame Tussauds' Wax Works of famous people which also have of Chinese interests. They were really lifelike..scary! hehehe...after grabbing a juice and some sandwich, we took the bus downward on the other side of the mountain. We were a bit early so we didn't see the laser/light show in the buildings in the city which is usually at 8PM. Anyways, we went Ladies Market- guys, don't think that it only sells ladies' goods of the market name. you can find fake brand label goods here, or illegal imports. Other goods include clothes, toys etc. Make sure to bargain here! Located in Mong Kok and accessible by MTR or bus. It's similar to the tiangge here in the country except that their money value is a bit higher than our peso... (^_^). We bought a few refrigerator magnets as souvenir and a jacket since we didn't bring any jacket and i guess HK is a 4-season country as well...bbbrrrr! it was an exhausting yet fun-filled 1st day at Hong Kong and honey and I just gazed at our beautiful city view from our 25th floor room.
Day 2: Half Day City Tour: We woke up early and ate breakfast at McDonalds (another branch near the house). We walked 1 block from the hotel. Anyways, the city tour started at Hongkong Island where we went to the harbor area. There was a boat ride which we paid about 20 KH Dollar each to the woman who was maneuvering it around the Hongkong harbor. We saw the famous Jumbo (the largest floating restaurant in Asia, where Jackie Chan shoots most of his films). After the boat ride, we went to Che Kung Temple in Sha Tin, New Territories, where we saw several Buddha’s and other Buddhism figures. It was situated by the shore where our tourist, Tim (Timothy, who is handsome, as he says he is) pointed to us the house of Jackie Chan. Hahaha! It was far though you can actually see half of the big mansion from where we were standing. Anyways, after taking quite a handful of photos, we went back to our bus and headed to a factory of the famous jewelry maker in Hong Kong, the TSL. They sold finest crafted diamonds and other jewelries though we were not able to buy some because we already got our own sets (ahem!) and it costs…dollars! Hehehehe… Then we went to the Market Factory which sold cheaper goods at factory prices. We bought a few t-shirts and the famous Chinese Tea’s. And some custards, and other stuff. Since its just a half day tour, some of our fellow tourists were going to Macau and other to China and other no more schedule for the day and us to Ocean Park!!! We were dropped off at Harbour City – which is a huge shopping centre in Tsim Sha Tsui on Canton Road. To get there take the MTR to Tsim Sha Tsui, or take the Star Ferry. We had lunch and honey made me eat some roast duck meat…ahemm..I’m not much of a duck eater myself but I guess as a tourist, I have to taste it since its famous in Hong Kong. We also tasted a soup (which was sold to us by the restaurant staff who found it hard to speak in English and unfortunately, we only know Mandarin and not Cantonese, so she has to call her fellow crew to explain to us her soup).
Day 2. Hong Kong Ocean Park: By 1:30 PM, Tim fetched us to accompany to the bus which will take us to the famous Hong Kong Ocean Park. Unlike the Ocean park in Manila, in Hong Kong, it’s really a huge theme park…many rides and shows..like the Enchanted Kingdom except that there a few marine life shows and exhibits. And the thrilling cable car ride!!! Hahaha! You could see the whole of Hong Kong…breath taking views! We spent the rest of the afternoon in the park, watchingan acrobatic show and walking around. We ate a grilled squid and popcorn and went inside the Madagascar Show where I danced in front of the camera..hahaha! we were poofed by the time it came for us to go home…yet we still took that time to gaze at the city lights in our room window…sweet!
Day 3. (Honey’s Birthday!) Hong Kong Disneyland: As usual, McDo breakfast and early (brrrr temperature every morning and a little drizzle every now and then) at the lobby. Disneyland Hong Kong was huge, well its not that huge as compared to LA or Florida Parks but still…heheheh..we can’t seem to contain our excitement though honey already was able to go to LA and Florida, she’s there to check the HK park as well. As usual, the bag checking…where foods and snack items where not allowed except for bottled water only. Entrance was a long walk to the gates of inspection and the face of the famous mouse in the world is traced by colorful flowers facing the gates. There were only 4 sites in the park: the Disney Central Area, Tomorrow Land, Adventure Land and Fantasy land where the famous Disney Castle is located. We rode several rides including the Disney Train which travels around the whole park with two (2) stations as stop over. It was pure bliss! Honey and I both were like 2 children scattering around the place. There was even a funny incident where when we were resting under the sun (yes, under the heat of the sun) on a bench in the center of the park, a Japanese Businessmen Group passed by and I though they were gonna rest as well and since the seat beside me is vacant, a few of them sat down. But I was surprised when they asked for a photo with me…hahaha! Naks! Feeling artista ang beauty ko…if honey didn’t insist for us to go, the line of those guys would probably get longer..hahaha! yikes! I feel like a mascot, tuloy but they keep saying…”very beautiful daw ako” kaya they wanted to take a photo with me..ha hai! Naman eh! Pati ba naman dun…hehehe (joke..haba ng hair ko noh?). Anyways, sobrang kakapagod..but of course, we took more than a handful of photos..talaga naman ! its honey’s birthday! And we rode in the Space Mountain (a roller coaster ride in the dark..in space kuno). There was even a sign which says ”This is your last chance to back out!” now, natakot na ako..hahaha! but still, I feel the need to ride it so we did. I was practically screaming for the whole ride as well as honey and I only closed my eyes at the last part…uuggghh! It was a picture flash. When we looked at our photo, we were the only riders who looked like we got epileptic attacks! Hahahaha! But we didn’t get the photo  still, honey and I were laughing about it the whole time we remember our faces… It was a whole day activity and by 3PM, the Disneyland Parade started. I took the video while honey was taking still photos on the other camera. We did all this under the heat of the sun..hahaha! we’re tanned! pang-summer look talaga! Perfect! Hehehe :D then after buying a few souvenir items in the store (we got 2 big bags of Disneyland goodies), we went to Tarzan’s Tree House and rode the River cruise, too! Then by 6PM, we sat in front of the castle, awaiting the Disney Fire Works! I took the video and honey took still photos though most of the time, honey was just sitting there totally amazed by the fireworks…hehehe! *sigh I love you hon!* and so was I. By about 7:30PM, the show is over and so all of the people were headed back to the entrance gates…to exit. I guess its not like in the US parks where the park closes at about midnight or so. Anyways, as fun as it was and exciting, honey and I were both exhausted! I slept on the way back to the hotel while honey cuddled me closer to her…*aaawww..so sweet!

Day 4. Departure. Saying bye-bye to Hong Kong for the first time was a mix feeling. Its like we can still stay for 2 weeks as permitted by immigration but my work (ggrrrrr) hindered me to do so… anyways, we met a fellow Filipina at the Airport (Lantau Island). She was a high school teacher in Bacolod but she wanted to go to Canada and as a requirement, she has to stay in Hong Kong for 1 year and so she worked as a domestic helper in there. She was telling us stories about her experiences and we were just laughing in the airport, awaiting the arrival of the plane. We seemed close friends who just got the time to talk again after a long time of separation, hehehe. But she’s a good person and she’s a jolly one too thus we hit it off instantly. We exchanged numbers though she gave me her number ion Hong Kong because she don’t have a number here in the country at the moment. By now, I think she’s already back in Hong Kong.

In Summary, you should visit Hongkong, too! You’ll see the amazing things as well. But most importantly, be able to rekindle your spirits, your relationships. Just like me and honey.  We are definitely going back to Hong Kong anytime soon, i hope!. (^_^)

for the first time, the city has been hit by calamity. it started on the day when i'm supposed to meet my honey. she'd be flying from another city after being away for almost more than 2 weeks, working. i was excited to meet her after being away for so long from each other...but what has happened? it rained!!!! it's been raining at about 0300 AM dawn that Sunday and it never stopped up until today, Wednesday, January 14, 2009. everywhere, people are evacuating their homes especially those who are residing near the river banks. some lost their houses as the raging waters of the mighty city river. its such a shame to see people suffer all of a sudden but then again, despite the atrocities brought by the sudden rage of nature, there is still the good side of it all. people cared about others. they share (we shared) clothings, food and money to those who needed them most. though most of the time, i always sulk because this sudden change of weather had altered the totality of my life and that of honey's. still, it made people realize their mistakes...the mining and the rest of those harvesting of trees with no apparent reason or maybe just for selfish reasons. still, its a shame that those activities are only halted when people are already hurt. *sigh* i am still in great shock, though. and still praying and hoping fervently that the sun will shine tomorrow.

well..im not really sure if its only be one question but since in this world...most of us live in the fast lane, thus the urgency to even have a conversation is crucial even to find a good conversation and a laugh nowadays is really rare..but anyways, i'd let them ask me just one word, "why?" and it can go anywhere from there based on how i perceive the question and based on who is asking it. :D

the holidays had come and gone and i felt as if that period is just as every holidays, too short but we still make the most of it. honey and i filled our refrigerators with food of all sorts and wines and other drinks. there were several hams, krispy kremes, chocolates and all sorts of food delights which we think should be stored in a much colder environment..hahaha! but anyways, we ate heartily with the family and spent probably the rest of the night..cuddling and whispering sweetness to each other until we fell asleep...come morning, honey sang her heart out while i was taking photos of her and the christmas tree behind here. after eating breakfast, we opened our gifts..and everyone enjoyed a few critics while most of the time, laughter filled the air on that Christmas morning...its one memory i would like to treasure most especially, seeing honey..with the family, laughing, enjoying the nudges, the bouncing exchange of words..making fun of each other in any stutters...but mostly because her smile just takes my breath away..just like that..amazing!

i have been watching a few romantic movies and read some love stories on paperbacks and more so often, it just proves it right...that everything that has been happening in this world is all because of one reason and that reason alone is love. where there is love, everything flows from it...may it be thee baddest events or the most beautiful memory of a life time. its fascinating how despite the tragedies that is paired with life, we always find that single light in the dark and it is because we feel love..we have it and we share it in the various forms it takes on. the gestures we give to strangers, a smile, a nod..it is a sign of love...respect and acknowledgment. its hard to really say but maybe because most are looking for that "romantic" love..to feel "in love" with someone else apart from yourself..i mean wouldn't we all? right?! but then again, still love goes around in many different forms and i bet most of us do not even recognize it when its there. but i know, fervently hoping that everyone will see and feel love in its purest form..someday..one of these days...

just dropping by to greet friends who are celebrating their birthdays this month....for karen and mackie (highschool pals), jennifer g. who passed away last September 2008, Ms. Annie L. and Ms. Bitterbab of Livejournal...may you all have a very happy birthday...enjoy and always feel HIS blessings around you...

the holidays was a time for vacation for most employees..though if you own a business, its a routine to NOT stop what you're doing but still, as an employee (*sigh*) myself, this short time of "vacation" is short for the many days that we work our asses off. anyways, i got an exemplary gift for the holidays...we bought a car! hehehe..it sounds unrealistic, i know but its just the gift we haven't given ourselves with..and so we somewhat gave in such indulgence and thus relinquish our strict thriftiness and bought ourselves a new vehicle! hehehe...happy holidays everyone! (its color is tangerine-gray with a sunroof!) here's a photo on what it looks like..:)

the unseen future beholds so much more that's why we refer to it as "unseen". its mystery will always stay no matter what we do. but why do other people still would want to catch a glimpse of that future? why cannot just anyone stay in the present? live in the present and stop thinking about the future and what it may hold because it will never hold anything at all unless you have worked on the present, right? inevitably i don't like the idea of "seeing the future" because by then, there is just no point of working on it, is there? in the past few months...as i observe people from all walks of life, they don't think much of others but themselves alone. yes, its a pity and so sad to know that in reality, humans think only of themselves and nothing more. selfishness has been the cause and i think will always be a leading root in the illness in any society since from the beginning of time, whereby it aided the destruction of such community/country. discontentment and not being satisfied and thankful of what they already have..still yearning for more even at the expense of their neighbors just so there is accumulation of wealth and fame and power...and for what? to live comfortably? to be able to live in a house with servants to do everything else for you? for what? so you'll spend the rest of your life wondering what else to do with your money? or spend the rest of your life thinking, have i really lived my life for others? have i helped out even if it entailed that i lose what is mine for the sake of my neighbors? have i reached out a helping hand to others even if they didn't ask for help but i know they needed help? i guess trying to be good entails great sacrifices and does not entail that you be rich or famous. it entails that you suffer, experience pain, humiliation, degradation...for in the end, it is not the people in this world that will give us the judgment, the conviction or the reward but God above. i don't think God will ask us if we have been president or the richest person on earth or if we have experienced "romance via the internet" and have fooled ourselves with that persona whom we have not even met, or if we have been the most accomplished scientist, got several noble prizes, awards and everyone in the world knows our name, no..i don't think so because He already knows these things. He would just verify if you have done good and loved your enemies as yourself..if in times of immense danger, have you put your life on the line just to save a stranger or an enemy..or out of the sudden, you left everything you have and followed Him...or maybe if you have truly repented your sins...these are the hardest questions and i don't think any of us will be ready to answer to...we cannot even tolerate pain, much worse to suffer with nothing at all in this very materialistic trash bin. i feel angry, sad and i pity how most of these people think and act only for themselves...then if this will continue to stay like it..then there is only doom for these people...and i feel sorry for that...i guess nobody is perfect, i also have my share of mistakes...and its just really too sad...

recently, i have felt that i made several mistakes somehow because i keep experiencing the same concerns over and over and over again. and i don't even know up to when will it ever end. the world financial crisis which affected everything else in this trash bin has made it even more difficult to carry this life. but somehow, i am hopeful that HIS light will always shine through despite everything else that covers it. in the middle of every crisis, there always arises a hand to lean on.

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe (repeat)

it has been and always will be a transition period into something more stable than just the change of trees or the falling of the leaves. its like representing the dusk of death or the impending trouble in our lives...the slow journey towards our ultimate destiny and then, eventually to a cold reminiscence but eventually, on towards spring, a giver of life, a new beginning..to start all over again, another chance, another life.

i gazed at the stars far away
the wind stood still, silent
faint breathing, slow movement
your eyes beheld me so still

i cannot bear, to look, watch
i rush of the glands, squeezed
you came to a halt, laying there
i know then as my tears rained

the Sunday was just like any other normal day. when i woke up, i cleaned the puppies, fed them through a pet bottle since their mummy doesn't know yet how to take care of them. and then, our other puppy, a Pomeranian is bouncing up and down always ready to play...----> this blog was supposed to be posted last week when i was on a trip for a training but wasn't able to finish it. it must to contain happy thoughts but now, i only feel grief. for our shih tzu puppy died today. it got into an accident and i only blame myself for it. i cannot seem to eat but i just feel the need to let it all out in writing. and so here i am. i don't even know how to come to terms with my grief. or maybe this is my way of mourning for our puppy and for our dear and good friend who passed away last week. i am even scared that my self defense mechanism structure will come back and my walls might begin building again...making me feel nothing but numbness from all the pain, from every human emotions that might occur as brought about by these circumstances...somehow, i still need to find my self amidst such rush of sudden emotions...to still be me...i need time.

Just to look in your eyes again
Just to lay in your arms
Just to be the first one always there for you
Just to live in your laughter
Just to sing in your heart
Just to be everyone of your dreams come true
Just to sit by your windows
Just to touch in the night
Just to offer a prayer each day for you
Just to long for your kisses
Just to dream of your sighs
Just to know that I'd give my life for you.

For you all the rest of my life
For you all the best of my life
For you alone, only for you.

Just to wake up each morning
Just to you by my side
Just to know that you're never really far away
Just a reason for living
Just to say I adore
Just to know that you're here in my heart to stay.

For you all the rest of my life
For you all the best of my life
For you alone, only for you.

Just the words of a love song
Just the beat of my heart
Just the pledge of my life, my love for you.

i have already posted the reasons why i do love her in my FS blog but i guess words are never enough and though i would like as much to shout to the whole world that i love her, i can't still stop to think about her and the reasons why im too drawn to her. so here are a few more reasons why:

1. she laughs out loud every time there is a joke, a carefree laugh..so innocent and enticing...
2. she has been inducing her self exercise regimen every working day.
3. she works hard.
4. she plays hard.
5. she eats hard.
6. she wears more "feminine" clothes
7. she is free and happy.
8. she acts a baby most of the time...(my baby)
9. i love breathing her in every time...(the air i needed to live)
10. we are both the techie type! hahaha
11. she dances like a fool just to make me laugh.
12. she do silly things she's never done before just to see a smile on my face.
13. she eases my tiredness at the end of the day's work.
14. she always asks for me in every decision, in every action.
15. she makes me laugh hard and play hard.
16. she inspires the best and the worst in me.
17. she have seen everything there is to see..most especially the worst in being me.
18. she is the most understanding partner anyone can ever need.
19. i needed her to live.
20. she needed me to live.
21. she makes my heart jump every now and then.
22. she teases me.
23. its natural for her to be coy and yet still appear so cute and beautiful.
24. she sacrifices for her friends.
25. she is the most responsible being i have ever encountered.
26. she blesses my life with her love.
27. her scent makes me drunk with...sshhh..
28. she sings crazy but in tune.
29. she is way too scary when she's working.
30. she's serious and scary, period.
31. i'd give up everything for her.
32. she introduced me to Japanese foods.
33. she scares me when its dark.
34. she loves to cuddle (and so am i!)
35. she is messy (ggrrr!)
36. she works in mysterious ways (just like HIM).
37. her smile is contagious. beware!
38. she is way too friendly, a compliment of my shy persona.
39. she is completely my opposite!
40. she is my soul mate.